He recognized his children’s names right up to the end, and he had a lot of them…three daughters, two sons, and two stepchildren. He could still play a game of cards if it didn’t require too much strategy. And he walked. Indoors or outdoors, companion or not, he walked. His final months were spent in a locked ward with an attached and walled outdoor area, replete with simulated hills and valleys, allowing him to indulge his life-long pastime for taking a stroll, although it may have been the restlessness and urgency induced by his confusion that propelled him forward. Keep moving. Don’t slow down.
He was my father and one of the millions of people afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease. His story, and that of his mother, is typical of this illness…the memory loss, decreased problem-solving skills, and finally, the disappearance of social constraints, the capacity to care for one’s self, and power over bodily functions. My father and grandmother were in their late seventies when symptoms of the disease appeared and in their early eighties when they died. But imagine being 55 or even 60 years of age, with a healthy body, but diminished mind.
“Slow Dancing with a Stranger: Lost and Found in the Age of Alzheimer’s,” a book authored by Meryl Comer, describes the descent of her husband, aged only 58 at the time and a renowned physician, from his work at the National Institutes of Health, to the bed and wheelchair he occupies today. She has been caring for her husband for nearly two decades…oh, and her elderly mother who also has the disease. In her home. If this sounds untenable, it is. As the author so purposefully describes, the diagnosis, treatment, and care of persons with Alzheimer’s is woefully inadequate. Until recently, definitive diagnoses were only made after death. To this day, the medications available to slow the progression of Alzheimer’s disease are few and offer little value for the long-term. The cost of residential, inpatient care for dementia patients is onerously expensive and offers no guarantee that the patient will be well cared for by compassionate and trained staff. Only now are there research studies to investigate early diagnosis and treatment. And let us not forget the other victims: caregivers, children and grandchildren, friends and co-workers who lives have been altered or made “less” by the loss of just one individual and independent thinker.
In between 12-hour shifts providing care to her husband and mother, Meryl Comer used her reporting and producing skills to bring the reality of this disease into our consciousness through the media. She is also the co-founder of WomenAgainstAlzheimer’s and the president and CEO of the Geoffrey Beene Foundation Alzheimer’s Initiative. And she shared her life in this book, for which 100% of the proceeds will support Alzheimer’s research. I can’t think of a better reason for buying it.
For those of you who would like to know the rest of my family’s story:
My dad was one of the lucky ones. He was a retired insurance agent who purchased the Cadillac of all long-term care policies. He gave his children the necessary powers to oversee his health care and had a life-long friend see to his economic needs. He had already made his funeral arrangements. All of us, his children, were protected from having to make any tough economic decisions or becoming worn-out, depressed caregivers. He had a lot of foresight, my father. Thanks, Dad.